首先,看看作者寫的其中兩句投訴信的例句:
1. On 10 June, I brought an mp3
player from your store (because
of an advertisement on a magazine), saying that it is (was??) the best
mp3 player with good sound quality and battery life.
2. On 10 June, I had my dinner with my friends in your restaurant (because of your advertisement on a magazine), saying that your restaurant served the best Japanese food in HK and there was special discount for XXX bank VISA card holder.
這兩句句式相近,但都犯了同一個文法錯誤,相信很多人也未能察覺。句中的括號是我加上去的,這樣你們會較易明白為什麼這兩句句子有問題。不過在未解釋之前,我們先看看例一的另外兩個錯誤。第一個是網友提醒我的,自己初看時也差點看漏了眼。I brought an MP3 player是I bring的過去式,但作者想表達的究竟是I bring還是I buy呢?答案不言而喩!第二個錯處是我們通常只會說in a magazine,而不說on a magazine,這是collocation的問題!
e.g. I read an article in a magazine about a famous actor. (LAAD, pp. 1032)
2. On 10 June, I had my dinner with my friends in your restaurant (because of your advertisement on a magazine), saying that your restaurant served the best Japanese food in HK and there was special discount for XXX bank VISA card holder.
這兩句句式相近,但都犯了同一個文法錯誤,相信很多人也未能察覺。句中的括號是我加上去的,這樣你們會較易明白為什麼這兩句句子有問題。不過在未解釋之前,我們先看看例一的另外兩個錯誤。第一個是網友提醒我的,自己初看時也差點看漏了眼。I brought an MP3 player是I bring的過去式,但作者想表達的究竟是I bring還是I buy呢?答案不言而喩!第二個錯處是我們通常只會說in a magazine,而不說on a magazine,這是collocation的問題!
e.g. I read an article in a magazine about a famous actor. (LAAD, pp. 1032)
現在來看看上面這兩句話問題何在!作者在這裏其實是用了一個participle clause的寫法,也就是考試局最喜歡用的那一類型,即sb do one thing, (almost simultaneously) doing another thing。例如:Write a speech
explaining why most senior government officials are so stupid!
第一個出現的動詞是簡單的現在式或過去式,而第二個動詞則以present participle的形式出現。上面的例句驟看好像沒有什麼問題,但細心一看,你便會發現其實它是犯了著名的dangling participle錯誤,而這錯法也的確十分普遍。很多人學懂了這句式便很容易隨便用了出來,覺得挺高級的,但是這種句式其實並不好掌握。我們要留意的是例句中的主詞是那個?是I,而在participle clause這句型中,這主詞是之後的動詞和分詞的performer。但你們看看現在句中分詞(saying)指的是那個?是the advertisement,這是一個徹頭徹尾的dangling participle,別被括號中的東西讓你分心,它只是一些附加資訊,刪了它不會影響句中意思。舉例一來說,它是說:
I bought an MP3 player from
your store, saying that ... (= and I said that...)
這當然不是作者的本意!要改正很容易,用一個看上去比較簡單的句式就可以了,就是將其化成一個relative clause:
because of an advertisement in
a magazine which said that it was ...
就是這麼簡單,但是有些人覺得participle clause比relative clause更impressive,偏偏自己卻又未有能力駕馭這種寫法,才會出錯。上面一句簡單例句便錯了三個地方,這樣的英文值得學嗎,大家可以想想!
繼續看下去,作者在介紹投訴信的結語時,又舉例教讀者說:
Please take
actions and respond to my complaints.
If you do not do so, I shall take this matter to the Consumer Council.
If you do not do so, I shall take this matter to the Consumer Council.
看見這樣的金句,又忍唔住笑咗出嚟!這樣的英文令我覺得作者只有初中程度,寫信好似威脅咁,難保下次還有些I tell you I am not happy now, I want to complain you這樣的句子。[另外,take action是沒有s的,因為那個action是一個不可數名詞。]
投訴信不是這樣寫的,只有在中學生的習作中才會出現到這樣的句子。個人認為,投訴信是很難教的,寫得好不好要視乎個人的英語修為。記得很多年前,我沒工開時賦閒在家,剛巧那時房署要在我住的公屋裝密碼門鎖,由於他們將一道我們經常出入通往地鐵站的大門封了,我們因此要繞路而行,十分不便。我為此特地寫了封幾百字的投訴信,痛陳為什麼他們的做法很有問題,不便居民。後來房署最終從善如流,重新在那個出口裝設密碼鎖,但至於是否因我的投訴信收效就不得而知了。
我另外還在那位英文老師的其他網誌留言,指出一些句子問題,由於他網誌的留言設定很麻煩,所以我打算在這裏順便解釋一下,純粹學術交流,別無他意!他舉例:
There is a wide concern about the Chinese
mainland tourists’ behavior in the public area of Hong Kong
in the society.
這句句子有幾處值得商榷的地方。首先,the Chinese mainland tourists' behavior這句片語有點累贅,我會改成Chinese tourists' behavior或the behavior of
tourists from mainland China(註一)。另外,在公共地方,一般很少人會說in the public area;較普遍的說法應是in (a) public place(s)。最後是in the society,這是典型的中式英語;society當泛指社會時,是一個uncountable noun,前面沒有冠詞,說in society就可以了,只有在說某種社會時,如農業社會,前面才會有冠詞。又由於in society是指社會上的關注,所以將這句片語放在句尾並不合適,應當放在concern之後才較為合理,全句我會改寫成:
There is wide(spread)
concern in society about Chinese tourists' behavior in public places of Hong Kong.(註二)
註一:原句the Chinese mainland tourists' behavior的那個the是多餘的,因為behavior是uncountable noun,前面一般不加冠詞,除非後接一個介詞片語作為修飾語,如the behavior of tourists from (mainland)
China。况且,這裏是泛指大陸的遊客,而非某一群中國遊客,所以更加沒理由加the!
註二:concern這字可作uncountable noun或countable noun,但在上述情況中,一般視之為uncountable noun,前面無需冠詞a。又在英文中,widespread concern比wide concern來得普遍,所以我選擇這樣改動,但這並不代表作者是錯的。
e.g. There is widespread concern about the state
of our hospitals. (LCDT, pp. 233)