然而,諫官在投訴信中所舉的例子並沒提及保修期,這樣的話,要付額外的費用也算合理。畢竟,維修已過了快兩年,出現問題也並不稀奇。况且,人家現在說收費是因為要更換零件,這也在情理之內,合乎現今的商業模式。諫官的投訴信很大機會會無功而還。
另一方面,他那封投訴信的語氣頗有點爛仔味道。他不是要以理服人,而是甚麼道理都是在他自己這邊;總之一定不是自己的錯,問題一定是對方當初檢查得不夠徹底所致,語氣野蠻覇道,就好像我以前的老闆話齋:「我吾理吖,總之你幫我死掂佢!」這是一封好的投訴信所應具備的特點嗎?
說完這些,我們現在來看看他的英文。我不擬在這裏對他的英文作一詳細分拆,我只想說他的英文很有中式英文味道。中式英文者,並非指文法錯誤(雖然他的英文實在有很多值得相榷之處),我所說的中式英文乃指中國人寫的英文也!
不過我確實留意到文中一處有趣的地方,想在這裏跟大家分析一下。現在先看看他說了些什麼:
(1) I have always been under the
impression that KKK was a trustworthy brand that produces the finest luxury
goods and delivers top-tier after-sales service. Therefore, I am truly
disappointed after a recent disheartening experience, which has caused my
previous confidence in the brand to waver.
(2)
When I first purchased the watch a few years ago, I loved it, and had
full confidence in the KKK brand. So I was taken aback as my simple
request to have a battery changed turned out to cost me another couple of
thousand dollars.
看第一句,我相信絶大多數人都不會覺得有什麼問題,但留意他用了therefore這個字,解「因此」。問題出來了,我想問為什麼他會用therefore,而不是however或者but呢?大家要注意這並不是偶一為之的現象,在短短一篇三百多字的投訴信中這個用法便出現了二次,一是therefore,一是so(看看上面第二句)。
相信很多人都知道therefore其實是是一種順邏輯的副詞,連接之前的表述,帶出因果關係。看看Cobuild的解釋:
You use therefore to introduce a logical result or conclusion (Cobuild).
e.g. This is a binding contract. Therefore, we
recommend that you review it with a lawyer. (MED)
我用一個中文例子來解釋,你可以說:
例:他很聰明,所以考試成績很好。
但若你跟諫官的思路說:
例:他很聰明,所以他考試不合格,因為他很懶惰。
這句例句相當突兀,很不自然。同理,我不敢說諫官那句英文是錯的,但它卻給人一種奇怪的感覺,儘管後面加了一句qualifying statement(after a recent disheartening
experience)。換了是我,我會用上逆邏輯的副詞或連接詞,如however或but,以帶出相對、令人詫異的結果:
You use however when you are adding a comment which is surprising or which
contrasts with what has just been said. (Cobuild)
r.g.
Some of the food crops failed. However, the cotton did quite well.
(Cobuild)
我的見解不一定對,只是想提出一個思考的課題,供有興趣研究英文的網友想想。諫官只懂盲目抄襲《英語一分鐘》,情況就好像人家劉家傑口述,他自己負責筆錄一樣,不查證求真,錯漏在所難免。到了真正的自家出品時,情況自然更為糟糕!他的很多文章其實都有問題,例如之前談論痛楚的那篇,究竟名詞前面應否有不定冠詞呢?我有機會再為文分析!